Ive always liked to spend the end of the year by myself. Whether it be walking in the woods, sitting by the water, or simply standing bythe 9th floor window and watching the traffic pass by me. Invariably, theres a calmness, a serenity that envelopes me this time of the year.
I often find myself contemplating the past year. (I do not do the 'goals' or the 'resolution' thing. My attention span is far too short, and my rich, though random conversations, with friends often makes me want to bring changes in myself, and my life, more than a particular day. ) However, I do always end up thinking about 'What affected my life this year?" 'What changes did I make?' 'Who are the people who made a difference to my life.' And increasingly, I have found 2 constant strings of thoughts dominating this pensive mood. The role of co-incidences and the perspective on past events.
Co incidences fascinate me. What are they? Are they fashioned by Someone Higher Up? Or are they just that? People merely crossing our paths in their own journey of Life. Events happening with no consequence, for no reason. ...Truth is, I do not know. But I have found myself asking myself, more than ever, at this time of the year, a 'What if...?" or looking back at the past year and seeing patterns. Patterns of my opening an email, striking a conversation, choosing a seat...and the events it led to. The relationships I forged as a consequence, and why did I feel the urge to do something that is so unlike me?
Because some things are , oh-the-cliched- 'meant to happen'? And what if I had chosen not to it? Would destiny change it's course for me? I know not. I have more questions than answers...
If co incidences are intriguing, then perspective is powerful. Over the past years, adjectives for me have ranged from calm and reserved to cold and unfeeling. I offer no clarification, but I do know this. It is easier for me live my life with equanimity because I truly and deeply believe in 'This too shall pass.' I always find myself looking back in the past and seeing myself in moments of distress, remembering the pain, the fear, the joy...and a year later, managing to look at it through the glasses of time, and merely observing the events. Like an outsider. No doubt, I end up thinking, This too shall pass. The philosophies of 'Everything is transient' and 'Life offers no guarantees' are now ingrained in my outlook of life.
I do not care about most things, however, there are a few that stay with me forever. I do feel deeply in those moments. Like a river that gorges its way through the cliffs. A book, a conversation, an act, a person. And I am tied to it forever...And interestingly, I still feel the power of these things even years later, unlike my feelings which pass.
On that note, to the passing year...and the coming new one! Happy New Years all!
