I love being a woman. I love how satin feels on my bare skin. I love how I can cry when I am overwhelmed. I love how I can literally feel my heart melt with tenderness.
With that said, I will say this. It is hard. It is hard being a woman. (Not necessarily because ‘it is a man’s world.’ Agreed, men and women feel differently and think differently, but that’s about all. I don’t think the world lives by the standards of either... Of course, I digress.) Whilst most people talk about the physical changes that occur in the female body (and the accompanying emotional roller coaster ride), well, trust me, that is just the start.
As challenging as it is, being dictated by your hormones, I am talking about all the other complexities that come from being a modern woman. How do you toe the fine line between being vulnerable and strong? Modern and feminine? And most importantly, yourself and what the society demands?
For me being a woman means I can enjoy chiffons and silks as much as hiking boots and camping. It means I love been pampered and cared for, and yet can nurture and nourish, in turn. It also means I can afford to be vulnerable. I can feel intensely and be totally at peace with my emotions.
However, unfortunately, as humans, we do not have a switch to turn our feminine-ness on and off. I have tried my entire life to balance the two. How do I go all out and be feminine and yet strong? How do I enjoy my tenderness and yet not turn sloppy... Or alternatively turn off my feelings and turn into someone who is unable to feel joy and happiness deeply, because she is protecting herself from future heart breaks.
I have often chosen the former path. With a twist - Intense inside, calm outside. ..And it hasn’t been easy. Though it has meant that whilst I generally love living my life, and live it more whole heartedly, it means most people (other than the ones closest to me) don’t see it. That probably leads to a whole different discussion in itself.
The other challenge, of course, is where exactly do you draw the line between being yourself and what is expected of you. Choice vs obligation. I have almost obstinately swept aside all efforts of the society to sell me onto ‘the done thing.’ I don’t do my eyebrows, I don’t wear heels. Hell, I wear glasses to feel less glamorous on days! And yet, I have my days. Days when I wonder if I should ‘playing’ the game. Wonder if I don’t, will be left behind? Alone.
Of course I realize, these aren’t necessarily choices only women have to make. But I do have a feeling that the ‘obligation’ part is a heavier burden on women. Well, mostly, because we allow ourselves to. Trying to please everyone in our lives, is the motto of our lives.
Don’t get me wrong, I also do realize men have their own issues and own reasons to love themselves. Neither are these ramblings necessarily a sweeping generalization of our gender.
This is about me. And what I feel.... How I feel.
